Libido, Connection & Vitality in Perimenopause

When I was first married, libido wasn’t something I had to think about. I was the one chasing energy, projects—even intimacy. (Confession: I was the horn ball, sometimes waking my husband out of a dead sleep. He kept up just fine.)

Fast forward 16 years, four kids, autoimmune flares, parasites, and perimenopause later—and let’s just say things shifted. Suddenly I was navigating stress, exhaustion, hormone swings, and a body that didn’t always feel like my own. Libido felt less like a fire and more like a flicker I had to coax back to life.

And I know I’m not alone. For many women, this is one of the quiet griefs of perimenopause: a sense of disconnection, not just from your partner, but from your own body.

Why Libido Shifts in Perimenopause

What I’ve learned—both personally and through working with clients—is that there are real, physiological reasons libido shifts in this season of life:

Hormone changes: Estrogen and testosterone naturally decline, affecting desire and arousal.
Stress + cortisol: Chronic stress, adrenal fatigue, and autoimmune flares all hijack the same pathways your body needs for sex hormones.
Body image + identity: Weight shifts, fatigue, and food intolerances can leave you feeling less at home in your body. And how you feel about yourself directly influences how much you want to connect.
Minerals + nutrition: Magnesium, zinc, and electrolyte balance are foundational for hormone production, circulation, and energy—all of which play into vitality and libido. Nutrient depletion from parasites, stress, or restrictive dieting makes desire harder to access.

Connection Beyond Hormones

Intimacy isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and spiritual. Weekly date nights have been an anchor for us. They’re not always fancy, but they’re always kid-free. That protected space gives us room to talk, dream, and stay connected in the middle of busy family life.

And here’s the thing: even when hormones shift, connection can actually grow deeper. You learn each other in new ways. Desire becomes less about urgency and more about choosing each other, again and again.

Nervous System & Libido

When your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight, it’s nearly impossible to feel desire. That’s why calming and regulating the nervous system is one of the best indirect supports for libido.

Things that have helped me (and clients):

Adaptogens – I’ve used Rasa blends for years, and some of their adaptogens support both stress resilience and libido.
Nervines + herbs – Think milky oat, tulsi, and saffron.
Simple grounding – walks, prayer, breathwork, even castor oil packs.
Mineral-rich foods – sardines, liver, grass-fed butter, and leafy greens. Clean electrolytes and magnesium have been game-changers, not just for energy, but for circulation and intimacy too.

Vitality Is More Than Sex

This stage of life invites us to redefine vitality. It’s not just about libido or energy for workouts. It’s about feeling alive in your spirit, connected in your marriage, and steady in your body.

Yes, hormone therapy and herbs can help. Yes, clean living and functional nutrition matter. But the deepest piece is remembering: you are not broken. You’re in transition.

Closing Thoughts

Libido, connection, vitality—they’re not “lost causes” in perimenopause. They’re invitations to a deeper integration of body, mind, and spirit.

So whether your fire feels like a bonfire or a flickering flame right now, know this: it can be tended. And you don’t have to tend it alone.

For me, it’s looked like slowing down, replenishing my minerals, being intentional with connection, and realizing that desire doesn’t have to be loud to be real—it just has to be nurtured.

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🌿 Brenna May, NTP

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This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized medical advice.

Next Up: Brain & Bone Health in Perimenopause